Nanette Tashnek MSW, D.PSc
One thing you are aware of is that the outside world keeps moving in a circle around you like horses running in an old western film but the merry-go-round inside has come to a halt. Inquiries in your mind are endless. Why and why now? When will this heavy dull heartache go away, and will it ever end? Why can’t people say the right thing to make you feel better? The once joyful milestones of holidays, vacations, birthdays, weddings, and births are now overshadowed with uncontrollable sadness as the absence of someone special means one less place card at the table.
The healing of grief is beyond recovery from just grief alone. There is an unfolding of memory associated with the loss of a loved one. The flooding of these memory images surface during the trauma of grief and are layered over with images of your personal story and the stories of others. Thoughts, feelings, and perceptions from your past can serve as either positive healing resources or negative imprints that form obstructions to the healing of a loss. Family disharmony, traumas, prior losses, and life transitions are all embedded in the collective memory of your life story and are connected to the person who has moved on. Grief is not independent of your whole life story.
Many people are reluctant to ask for outside help. They don’t think they need it. If unattended for an extended period-of-time normal grief reactions can remain hidden or become complicated with symptoms of depressed mood, panic, addiction, sleeplessness, loss of faith, and even lingering physical symptoms.
Relief is attainable with the potential of a new understanding of your loss and how it relates to your past. It is possible to move away from the sadness, pain, and guilt by seeing a fresh perception of your loved one and the relationship you had. You can better remember them in a more positive and clear light with new meanings and revitalized memory. Your mind can be made new! Grief brings life lessons, opportunities, and purpose if you stay open to them. You can feel whole again and connect the inside of you with the outside. Reach out for help and gain a true sense of renewal.
